The Horrible, Dramatic, Sort of Cliched Story
by DHeartzJasper
Summary: For Readers with HUMOR only. Enjoy and remember to review! Jasper/Bella, but there's mainly humor, humor... and did I mention humor?


AN: Hello dear readers! I'm finally back. Made up this story in my mind while I was incredibly bored, so forgive me for the drama, the fact that it is so cliché and, yeah, I hope you enjoy this story. It is currently a one shot… But I might extend the story if it is enjoyed. All are human, and Jasper is with Bella FTW.

Disclaimer: Everyone knows that I don't own Twilight. I'm already over it, so you should get over it too.

"Ah, but 'tis must be what I think it is!" Edward cried, leaping onto the sofa with a look of delight upon his face, "It is; it is! A magnificent credit card in all its glory! With this, Bella, mi amore, might finally dump that evil tyrant whose name starts with a J and ends with an Asper, and we shall be together forever, having babies-"

"Get outta the way, young brother, who is high on heroin. Ah, you have it, I see; 'tis my credit card you have in your hand! I insist that you unhand that credit card at once, dear sir, or I might be forced to cut your head off clean!"

Emmett drew his long, mighty knife, which was, in reality, a walking stick he had so cunningly stolen from a dear ol' gentleman with a long beard. Edward's hand grasped the CC more tightly, leaving filthy oil stains and fingerprints on the valuable card.

"Never; you vile, filthy beast! I would give my life than hand to you this fair maiden whose hand is in mine! Only God might know what vile, treacherous things you might do to this innocent girl! Her fate is in my hands! So, dear brother, be prepared to fight to the death, for I would stand for no other consequences!"

Edward then drew his own sword, which was sadly a stick he found in their back yard.

"You are soiling my soul mate with your filthy, oily hands! I shall show no restraint, old man!"

And they began to duel.

Well, at least they attempted to duel (there could not be a proper duel due to the fact that their weapons were entirely useless) until Edward the Enigma dropped the CC. Following that, Emmett the Energetic dived to the floor in an attempt to get back his credit card while pulling on gloves. A white handkerchief came out from thin air, and as Emmett the Energetic tried to polish his darling credit card, Edward the Enigma did a rugby tackle on him (as Emmett was lying on his stomach) and tried to wrestle the card away from Emmett the Energetic to no avail.

And that was how Bella (the Beautiful) and Jasper (the Just) came to find them.

"Pray tell what atrocious things they are doing."

"I have no idea, mi Bella." Jasper then proceeded to pull Bella into an embrace and they waltzed around the still polishing Emmett and poking (with a giant salami that came out of nowhere) Edward.

"Getroff me you mangy mutt!"

As Emmett struggled to get the ever-annoying Edward off him, and eventually succeeded, Jasper and Bella were still waltzing around the room, Jasper humming a tune in his husky, throaty voice, making Bella giggle, and she leant into his embrace. His hand was just sliding towards her rear, when-

A piercing scream filled the air as Bella's calf was grabbed by a grubby hand, and she rendered both Jasper and Edward deaf.

In an instant Jasper had grabbed the salami that had fallen on the floor when Edward was surprised and whacked Edward on the head with it, and Edward let go of Bella immediately, clutching his head in pain.

"Don't ever touch Bella again, you hear me?" His eyes held a dangerous glint, and squeezed the salami threateningly. But Edward's eyes showed no fear.

"Sure, but on the condition that you get me a credit card."

The answer he got was another whack on the head, causing another bump to grow on top of the first, looking like a pyramid. He made a (useless) attempt to grab Bella again, but she nimbly leaped out of his touched and into Jasper's arms. He then threw the salami over Edward's head, and although Edward didn't hear it bang against the floor, he was sure that it had fallen somewhere behind in the surroundings.

"Come on, let's go disinfect your leg with a whole lotta soap and water. Besides, I don't think that we've christened the bathroom yet…"

Bella giggled yet again as Jasper wiggled his eyebrows charmingly.

Edward rolled his eyes and gave a muffled cry.

"Oh how woe betides me! No magnificent credit card and no beautiful Bella!" A muffled sob was heard here from Edward as he sniffled and made way towards the stairs.

"Better go get some sleep then…" He sniffled again, but an evil grin was etched upon his face. However, the evilness was short lived as another piercing scream came from Edward.

Something. Had. Grabbed. His. Leg.

He screamed again as he turned around and saw Emmett (who had come down during the drama and had enjoyed the show). In Emmett's right hand was a giant piece of salami. Ah, so that was where Jasper had thrown it to.

"What have you got in your back pocket, Edward?" Emmett gave Edward a death-defying glare that could chilled Satan himself.

Edward gulped. In his back pocket was-

Emmett's voice rose.

"Is that my ATM card, Edward?"

Edward was sure that Emmett, by tone of voice, was going into a hysterical fit and decided to make a dash for it, but he forgot that Emmett still had a grip on him. With a piercing scream cut off, Edward struggled, to no avail as the salami was stuffed into his mouth, and clothing was used to tie him up before Emmett began whacking Edward with the walking stick.

AN: I hoped you liked it. At first the inspiration was flowing but after that my family came home and yeah… The inspiration came to a halt. I think better when I am alone. Please give reviews and tell me if you want another chapter, okay? This is all going to be random. XD

You will be greatly loved if you review.


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